I have always known that I was different than most other boys. I didn’t always have a word or “label” for it, but I knew I was different.
For most of my childhood this was not a particularly troubling thing for me. I was small, not athletic and not especially coordinated. Because of this, athletics, and other group activities didn’t hold much interest for me. I stayed to myself a lot. We were a military family and we lived in California during most of my school years. When I was a Junior in high school my family started attending a church close to our home and right across the street from my school. They had a very active youth ministry and I was welcomed there with open arms, but they didn’t know I was different. They didn’t know I was gay. I wasn’t sure I would be welcome anymore if they really knew who or what I was. But through the love of the youth ministry there I flourished and I accepted Jesus into my life.
After I graduated from high school my family and I moved from California to Arkansas. I felt like I had my new church family violently torn away from me. I was depressed and angry for months. Why had this happened? Was God trying to push me away from his “chosen” people? Wasn’t I good enough to be part of the “family”?
After the move to Arkansas my family tried several churches near our new home, but I never felt comfortable. I felt extremely sensitized to messages of exclusion. It seemed to me that every sermon I heard in church gave some reason why I wasn’t good enough. And while I was never actively “shunned” from a congregation, the message to me was clear. Jesus didn’t love people like me and we were not welcome and we could not be part of the family. Well, rather than wait to be discovered and be told to leave in shame, I chose to leave on my own.
I knew the messages I heard in those churches was wrong, but what could I do. I remembered the song I sang with my grandparents:
This testimonial was given by Richard during the Annual State of the Church service in January 2005.
I never really lost my love for Jesus, and I know He never lost His love for me, but I felt that the church for me might have to be a congregation of two, just me and Jesus.
I went along that lonely, empty path for many years. I had come to believe that I would never be part of a “church family” again. The only time I went to church was for a wedding or a funeral. When my grandmother died in 1994, of course, I went to the funeral at her tiny country church. There was a special soloist who had been asked to sing at the service. His song touched every heart in that church, including mine. He sang as if he had known my grandmother all her life. I knew there was something different and special about that singer, but I didn’t get a chance to speak to him that day. His name was Randy McCain.
Well, the years passed and in 1998 I met my partner, James Kelley. We discovered that we have very similar family and educational backgrounds. We fell in love almost at first sight. We eventually bought a house in North Little Rock and moved in together. We were very happy together but, I still had this empty place in my heart. I knew what it was. It was that longing for a “church family”; people who love Jesus and who love each other. But, did such a place exist for James and me?
One day a woman that I worked with said she had recently moved into a new neighborhood, and she began to tell me about a church that she could see from her front porch. She told me that she thought I might like to check into it. She told me the name of the church was Open Door Community Church. I immediately went to the Internet to see what I could find out about this “Open Door” church. What was so different about this church than all the others I had been to. I easily found the website and began reading. Imagine my stunned surprise to find out that the pastor of this church was none other than the same Randy McCain that sang at my grandmother’s funeral. Well, it sure seemed like a sign from God, but I still wasn’t so sure about it. I mentioned the church to James several times over the next few months. He was reluctant. He had similar experiences in other churches in his past as well.
One evening while we were at dinner, someone came into the restaurant where we were sitting. It was Randy McCain! I pointed him out to James. I thought to myself, this just had to be a sign from above! It was as if God was giving me pieces of a jig-saw puzzle. All I had to do was put the pieces together. I began to find that my thoughts were constantly turning to this church and to God. Well, it took about 3-4 more months before I finally convinced James to come with me to Open Door Community Church. I was so excited. I knew this must really be the place for us. Surely God wouldn’t lead us here only to be disappointed again.
From the moment I walked in the door, I felt like I was at Home. We were immediately greeted with hugs and smiles. People we had never met before were treating us as if we were old friends. I think this church is just like a little piece of what Heaven must be like. The love and warmth we have found at this church has filled to overflowing that empty place in my heart and that path is no longer lonely or empty. It is filled with new Christian friends and family. I am so thankful and glad for Open Door Community Church. We love you all very much!